Pastoral Care

Several years ago my family was going through a season of intense conflict. There were nights when sleep was elusive due to anxiety and days felt like an impossibility to even leave the house. We were in a place of restlessness and paralysis simultaneously. We prayed constantly and while there were tiny moments of respite, we were still very much in the thick of the most extreme testing we ever experienced. We did the best we could to continue our routines because they felt normal among the chaos we were facing. We continued working, we walked the dog, and we served as leaders at church multiple days each week.

When things were reaching a fever pitch, a couple who have been mentors and dear friends invited themselves over to our house. They came with some elders of our church and prayed with us, anointed us and our home, and told us to not come to church. Not come to church? Why would elders of the church tell us to stay home when God needs us to serve His people? I mean, isn’t that the point of persevering in every trial? These were real questions I had for God.

Sarah and I stayed home for about three months waiting for God to send us back. We missed our community and there were weeks when we wanted to return, but God said no. Eventually we made it back and we learned a couple of important lessons; our closest relationships are our most important and nothing got missed in our absence. It turned out that things still got done. Rooms were set up, classes were taught, and phone calls were made all while we were gone for months.

Why share this story? It’s because it was through that hard season that we learned the value of pastoral care. Even in a church as large as the one we attended, we were blessed to have a small group of people who were invested and willing to step alongside us in our pain and suffering not out of obligation, but out of love. I understand that many don’t share an experience like mine and Sarah’s. In fact, some may recall how they were dismissed or even ignored altogether. I believe we can take two approaches to this; continue the cycle or break it.

Regardless of where you are in the fivefold ministry known as APEST (apostle, prophet, evangelist, shepherd, teacher), you are being sought after for pastoral care if you are a leader in any capacity. I believe pastoral care is one of the most longed for yet underutilized resources in church community regardless of size and while I am no expert in pastoral care, it is an affirmed gift and a passion of mine. However, this blog entry is meant to help reshape our definition of pastoral care as a one-way method of caring.

I was reading through Leviticus 10 recently and I was struck by what happened to Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu. While Holy Scripture doesn’t explicitly tell us what they did to be struck down, we do know that it cost them their lives. A homiletic Talmudic commentary fastens on a rabbinic legend that the fire consumed their souls but left their bodies intact (which allowed them to be removed from the site by dragging them by their garments). It suggests that their fate was to suffer a spiritual death and it sees them as no longer feeling reverence or holiness in carrying out their sacred tasks. In other words, they were emotionally burned out even as they continued to go through the motions of religious ritual.

Regardless of its exegetical accuracy, there’s a bit of a gut punch packed in this commentary. Why I shared my story is to highlight what the Holy Spirit revealed to me as I reflected on the state of my soul and spirit at that time. You see, when I was happily serving each week while silently suffering, I was not serving out of a place of love for God and others. I was satisfying my own desires to be seen as valued and reliable. Practicing Psalm 139:23 can be a very humbling experience. Looking back, I was not a healthy leader caring for others from a healthy place. In short, I was burned out. Thankfully I was spared, but during that season, I could tell you that there were moments where it felt like my spirit was on life support. This prompted me to ask, “If leaders are supposed to care for their flocks, then who cares for the leaders?”

Galatians 6:10 says, “Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to
everyone - especially to those in the family of faith.” When Paul wrote “whenever we have the opportunity” and “we should do good”, he was including himself as much as the Galatians. Because legalism had crept into the Galatian church, Paul’s work among them hadn’t been rewarded, so he needed to remember not to lose heart himself.

This is why it is so vitally important to the health and vibrancy of the Church that leaders are
cared for. It’s often been said that we operate out of our overflow, but if leaders are running on fumes, then who is investing in them and pouring into them and filling them? This is where the paradigm totally shifted for me. Pastoral care being a two-way exchange so that there is giving and receiving of love, support, and prayer. Sarah and I have through our own experience recognized the need for leaders to be cared for so their communities are getting the best, healthiest versions of them, and not lose heart or their fire.

Take time to pray, carefully consider, and reflect on a couple of questions:
1. Have you given permission to others to speak into your life and have vulnerability?
2. Are you self-aware enough to know areas where you may need care?