The Power of Presence in Pastoral Care
Two words. That’s all it took for Jesus to demonstrate the power of standing with someone in their grief and sorrow. Two words. The shortest verse in all of Holy Scripture, yet a profound and simple response to those who are hurting. Just two words: “Jesus wept.”
John 11:35 outlines with just two words the poignant and practical way Jesus modeled for us His heart and the simple, yet big difference between being there for someone and being present. At Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus already knew the miracle that was moments away. But instead of skipping straight to the solution, He paused. He stood among the mourners, felt their pain, and entered into it with them. He didn’t just see their grief—He shared it. That’s presence.
Paul echoes this posture in Romans 12:15, calling us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” In other words, the ministry of presence is not about fixing someone’s circumstances—it’s about entering into them. For the last six years I’ve had the honor and privilege of working in hospice. It’s brought me to a place where I’ve witnessed families find reconciliation and peace through death. I’ve also witnessed the unspeakable tragedy that confronts people when their loved one’s passing is more than they can bear. I’ve had people cry on my shoulder, hug me with gratitude, and shake angry fists at me. Hospice has forced me, a natural problem solver, to learn to sit with someone in the messy, hard, and emotionally turbulent times with no agenda. To simply just be with them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard cliches like, “God will never give you more than you can handle”, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “Let go and let God”. These reactions can trivialize suffering or even encourage passivity when, in reality, presence is very much an active exercise. In pastoral care, presence is not a warm-up to the “real” work—it is the work. Presence listens before it speaks, lingers instead of rushing away, and validates pain rather than explaining it away. Presence says, “You matter enough for me to stop, to stay, to see you.”
It’s easy to think of presence only in terms of how we serve our communities. But presence is also a sacred responsibility we owe to each other as ministry leaders. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul describes the Church as one body with many parts—each needing the others to function in health. If presence is missing among leaders, we are left with a body where the parts are connected but not truly communicating. When we are present for each other…
● We model to the flock what Christ-centered community looks like.
● We guard against isolation, burnout, and disunity.
● We remind each other that before we are shepherds, we are sheep in need of care.
You don’t have to be trained in hospice care to practice presence. Here are some practical ways to ensure you are truly with others.
1. Schedule “margin” into your week
Don’t fill every hour with tasks and meetings. Leave space to respond when someone
needs your time unexpectedly.
2. Give undivided attention
When with someone—put the phone away, close the laptop, and lean in. Eye contact
says, I’m here with you.
3. Check in intentionally
Don’t wait until someone is in crisis. Send a text, make a call, or stop by a fellow
leader’s office/home just to ask, “How’s your soul?”
4. Share silence without discomfort
Resist the urge to fill every quiet moment. Sometimes presence means simply sitting
with someone in stillness.
5. Be first to show vulnerability
When you’re honest about your own struggles, you create a safe space for others to be
real too.
6. Pray on the spot
If someone shares a burden, offer to pray with them immediately—not later. That
moment becomes sacred ground.
The health of the body of Christ is reflected in how its members treat one another. Being present for fellow leaders is not just a nice extra—it’s a picture of the Gospel at work among us. In every tear shared, every pause to listen, and every unhurried moment we give to one another, we testify that the Spirit of Christ is alive in His people.
Below is a link to a video that does a great job of bringing this to life through the concepts of sympathy (impersonal) and empathy (deeply personal).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Reflection Questions:
● Who among your fellow leaders might be carrying a burden quietly?
● How could you make intentional space this week to simply be present with
them—without an agenda?
John 11:35 outlines with just two words the poignant and practical way Jesus modeled for us His heart and the simple, yet big difference between being there for someone and being present. At Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus already knew the miracle that was moments away. But instead of skipping straight to the solution, He paused. He stood among the mourners, felt their pain, and entered into it with them. He didn’t just see their grief—He shared it. That’s presence.
Paul echoes this posture in Romans 12:15, calling us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” In other words, the ministry of presence is not about fixing someone’s circumstances—it’s about entering into them. For the last six years I’ve had the honor and privilege of working in hospice. It’s brought me to a place where I’ve witnessed families find reconciliation and peace through death. I’ve also witnessed the unspeakable tragedy that confronts people when their loved one’s passing is more than they can bear. I’ve had people cry on my shoulder, hug me with gratitude, and shake angry fists at me. Hospice has forced me, a natural problem solver, to learn to sit with someone in the messy, hard, and emotionally turbulent times with no agenda. To simply just be with them.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard cliches like, “God will never give you more than you can handle”, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “Let go and let God”. These reactions can trivialize suffering or even encourage passivity when, in reality, presence is very much an active exercise. In pastoral care, presence is not a warm-up to the “real” work—it is the work. Presence listens before it speaks, lingers instead of rushing away, and validates pain rather than explaining it away. Presence says, “You matter enough for me to stop, to stay, to see you.”
It’s easy to think of presence only in terms of how we serve our communities. But presence is also a sacred responsibility we owe to each other as ministry leaders. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul describes the Church as one body with many parts—each needing the others to function in health. If presence is missing among leaders, we are left with a body where the parts are connected but not truly communicating. When we are present for each other…
● We model to the flock what Christ-centered community looks like.
● We guard against isolation, burnout, and disunity.
● We remind each other that before we are shepherds, we are sheep in need of care.
You don’t have to be trained in hospice care to practice presence. Here are some practical ways to ensure you are truly with others.
1. Schedule “margin” into your week
Don’t fill every hour with tasks and meetings. Leave space to respond when someone
needs your time unexpectedly.
2. Give undivided attention
When with someone—put the phone away, close the laptop, and lean in. Eye contact
says, I’m here with you.
3. Check in intentionally
Don’t wait until someone is in crisis. Send a text, make a call, or stop by a fellow
leader’s office/home just to ask, “How’s your soul?”
4. Share silence without discomfort
Resist the urge to fill every quiet moment. Sometimes presence means simply sitting
with someone in stillness.
5. Be first to show vulnerability
When you’re honest about your own struggles, you create a safe space for others to be
real too.
6. Pray on the spot
If someone shares a burden, offer to pray with them immediately—not later. That
moment becomes sacred ground.
The health of the body of Christ is reflected in how its members treat one another. Being present for fellow leaders is not just a nice extra—it’s a picture of the Gospel at work among us. In every tear shared, every pause to listen, and every unhurried moment we give to one another, we testify that the Spirit of Christ is alive in His people.
Below is a link to a video that does a great job of bringing this to life through the concepts of sympathy (impersonal) and empathy (deeply personal).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Reflection Questions:
● Who among your fellow leaders might be carrying a burden quietly?
● How could you make intentional space this week to simply be present with
them—without an agenda?
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